Minimalist

You can have it all back. I don't need a litany of certificates. Who cares about my education pedigree? Most of my professors are dead, and I still use my fingers to count. A diploma that has not been uncoiled makes for a circus quality one time straw. Try it on a root beer float or a milk shake. Maybe I can resuscitate a none responsive person. Maybe I forgot. Either way, you are welcomed to the framed document that declares me to be sliding scale parametric. There are at three awards for perfect attendance in my basement somewhere. I never missed a day of specialized programs that escape all utility and recall. I got a like five library cards. You can have them back. They all belong to sites that have been closed down for a decade plus. If any live on the wrong side of the law, there are multiple uses that can be gained these plastic rectangles of civic participation. Cocaine lines don't make themselves and prying open doors just became easier. You can have back the cool points. I can't turn them into money. If there were only a coin star for hipster approval. But at last, these things are ephemeral trinkets of social health. Also, I want to return the fawning attention of strategic crushes. At this point my fair ladies have already made their boyfriends jealous or perhaps secured other prospects. Well done, but now I must clear out my mental space. The download time for critical attention will drag forever if not freed from these pretend connections. I'm not going to eat your neighbor's garden fruit. Have that back immediately. Timidity will put you in another's debt for items and favors you never wanted in the first place. Optimism got me out of a couple of sand traps, but you can have it back. Smiling hurts my face. Surely you can find a much better advocate for it. I have enjoyed the various memberships that came with unspoken house rules. You can have them back. It is wrong for me to play spoiler and make your circle of friends defend themselves constantly. Respectability was forced into my hands. I never knew where the start button was located. Did it need to be charged or did I miss the battery compartment? You can most certainly have that back. I have no snarling words for ladder climbers. Good on your ambition. It is better off with you anyway. You can have back the milestones. All my firsts, every pivotal life skill, and all the movies and music that defined their generations can be put in a bag and divided among your company. Most of all, you can have the control back. You can decide what the seating arrangement looks like, how many are invited, what the dress code consists of, and when it all ends. I don't care anymore. My demeanor is no greater than a jackrabbit that waits his turn for everything.