The Essentials

If a suit does not have pinstripes, consign it to the flames.  I'm assuming you did not amble out of a bush.  Go for a European cut.  The Americans swim in their professional attire.  You could sneak a second one of those rascals inside that parachuted fashion to cheat the ticket booth, but you can never cheat good taste.  Do not let me catch you without a pocket square. I don't care If you are on your second or third family, I will keep that matter to myself so long as your vest is properly adorned.  A gentleman must always have a hat to remove in the presence of women and to signify respect for a dwelling or business.  Even a scarecrow has enough class to emulate a dignified look.  Will straw best you in etiquette?  I should hope not after all the long hours that were put into you.  A walking stick is in order. You don't have to nurse an injury to put the finishing touches on a stately silhouette. It also keeps you from putting your hands in your pocket or gesturing wildly like a car salesman.  Yet if you desire license, I will happily break your leg.  How important are cufflinks?  They are so necessary that I would advise you to melt down your wedding rings to make them.  Wives forgive unlike first impressions. I will say this quietly out of the side of my mouth because it is common knowledge; fountain, not ballpoint.  One writing utensil is distinguished while the other can be mixed with crayons.  If this letter is late in finding you, it is because the asylum must approve of all parcells in and out of the facility.  My faculties were drained from me the day I saw an apartment store manikin possess all that I aspire to have without an ounce of virtue.  At that very moment I knew what I was and always have been.